Heartbroken and Convicted

What does mean to be convicted? What is real heart break? I have been studying the book of Nehemiah and it has caused me to really think about these two questions.
I can remember the first time I felt what I thought was heart break. I was in the 11th grade and I had planned a date with one of the best looking, most popular girls in my high school. It was the girl who I would only look at from a far through middle school. She was the pinnacle on the ladder of popularity. She was a cheerleader and she drove a black IROC-Z, it was fast. When you entered into her circle you could officially be considered “in”. It started this way, one of my friends was dating her friend and he stopped me in the hall one day and said you know “Sarah” wants to go out with you. *(name changed to protect her and me) I was always known to be a jokester, but this was cruel. He convinced me he was serious, and I was encouraged to ask her out. This is a girl I have known my whole life, and up to this point the only conversation we have had was , “hello” and “good-bye.” How am I going to ask her out? My friend saves me and we decide we will just meet her and her friend on Friday. We meet them on Friday and the date was a great success or so I thought. We held hands! I left the date convinced she was the one, we were going to get married, and life was going to be great. I walked down the hall a little differently on Monday, I believe I had the same feeling Superman must get when he is Clark Kent going into the phone booth and Superman coming out. Classmates were staring at me for different reasons now. I had arrived, I was in, I scaled Everest, I was the FONZ, I was KNIGHT RIDER! We set up another date, we were going to meet next Saturday at a local hang-out and go out on a solo date from there. I should have known something was fishy, we she talked me out of picking her up at her house; she was going to meet me instead. No big deal-we are in love, I am in love. We were set to meet at 8:30pm. I was there at 7:30pm, I did not want to miss her. 8:30 came and went. We did not have cell phones so the only way to communicate was by pay phone. I waited in the same spot until-10:00pm, maybe she got lost. (I live in a town of 7000, and 1 main street-you don’t get lost) I called her house and 10:00pm, her sister answered (her comes the heart break); when I told her sister who I was, her response was “who” and “why are you calling our house?” Let me remind you I have known them all my life. I asked for Sarah and the response sent me to my knees-“she is out on a date.” I thought know because I am here and she is not, and then I put the pieces together. It like a scene in a bad chick flick, I dropped the phone, as it began to rain, and I wept, with the rain drowning out my tears. Not really it was spring, and I dropped the phone, and looked to see if anyone was watching, and then ran to my car. I was embarrassed. I was heartbroken. How would I ever recover? I can’t go to school ever again. As quickly as I was in, I was out.
Believe it or not-I recovered. I recovered quickly. I moved on fast, mostly because the faster it was behind me the quicker others would forget. Sarah and never spoke about it, or ever spoke again for that matter. I thought I was heartbroken, until I read about Nehemiah. When Nehemiah heard about his people and Jerusalem, he was heartbroken-He feel to his knees, he prayed, he mourned, he fasted. I did nothing like that. Nehemiah prayed to God, and then become convicted to do something about it. He mourned , prayed and fasted-but he went to work-he was convicted. He was so convicted that he took on a seemingly impossible task. The job of rebuilding the wall was a task in itself, not to mention all those who worked against him. He was so convicted he worked through the threats, and the ridicule. Nehemiah did not stand by and watch-he worked. He worked to restore God’s glory in his people. I love Nehemiah. I love God.
As I read Nehemiah, I ask myself am I so heart broken when I do something or see something contrary to God’s word and God’s glory. I would hope I would be as heartbroken as Nehemiah. I also hope I would be convicted to restore God’s glory. I hope I would stand up for God and the things God wants for me. I hope.